Poop.
We all do it. It's completely natural. And it is...the most interesting topic in the whole world.
You parents know what I am talking about. So do you medical/EMT/doctor types. The rest of you are just going to take my word for it.
The thing is that when it comes to babies and fur babies alike, the topic, nay, the very object becomes a matter of incredible importance. When it comes to the fur baby, there is a very fine line between poop in the yard and poop on the floor, and another fine line between the easy to pick up and the...well...the opposite.
It is for this reason that our neighbors have, for the last two weeks, been subjected to endless hours (including wee ones) filled with anxious puppy parents' pleas: "Do your thing! Get it done! Go on, Moose, poop! I know you need it! Poop for Mommy! Poop for Daddy!"
Our poor neighbors. Oh well, I am starting to consider it payback for the fact that their English Ivy (poisonous to dogs) has completely overtaken our garden.
It is not just Moose's various bodily functions that have his parents endlessly concerned. Like all new parents, we have become acutely aware of the many nasties that are waiting for our fur baby: electrical wires, wet paint, hard floors, non-organic puppy food. We do our best to protect our little darling but sometimes he simply goes astray.
Like the time that he jumped up on a newly painted wall and tracked painty, puppy paw prints all over our house.
And the time he peed on the front mat (twice), the back mat (twice), and ate part of the broom, all in about three horror-filled minutes.
And the time he jumped out of my arms, backflipped mid-air, and landed right on his head on the hard wood floor.
This last one led to a very important milestone for the fur baby: Doggie's first visit to the chiropractor. Yes, the chiropractor. My chiropractor, currently my employer and a fellow dog-lover, heard the story about poor Moose's rapid, head-first descent to the floor, and suggested that I bring him by for an adjustment. And, lo and behold, poor Moose had a vertebra in his neck out of place! Just a...little...adjustment...and all is well!
Nothing is too good for our Moose*.
After such a busy week of being begged to poo, getting dropped on the floor, and licking paint off of walls, Moose needed a vacation. Scratch that. Moose's parents needed a vacation. So we loaded the Moose into the Renault Clio (trusty beast that it is) and set off for Matthew's parents' house in Somerset. This was to be Moose's first meeting with one set of grandparents, his first meeting with the chickens that Matthew's mother keeps, and his first meeting with Dylan, the evil black kitty that stalks around the house and ambushes unsuspecting visitors with a quick paw and sharp claws.
The visit also offered Moose a taste of something he has not yet been afforded here in the Big Smoke: freedom! Because Moose is not yet fully vaccinated, he has not been allowed outside except for the relative (though Ivy-spiked) safety of our garden. In two weeks, he will be allowed on real walks, but for now he has to be kept on house-arrest. Except in Somerset, where we decided that the risk of disease was relatively low.
Moose loved it. Although his first experience walking outside on a leash was...er...less than successful, his new-found freedom was a revelation for him. And for us.
Because when Moose has his freedom, he gets lots of exercise. A well-exercised Moose is easily tired. An easily tired Moose doesn't bite Mommy's ankles. Or try to eat chairs. Or run around the kitchen like an ADHD kid off his Ritalin.
Bliss.
Needless to say, we will be visiting Somerset more often. And we will be counting the days until Moose has all of his vaccines and can finally be freed from our tiny patio garden.
I'm sure our neighbors look forward to Moose's future walks. And we will definitely enjoy talking about Moose poop in new and exciting places, where we can pick it up immediately and stand a fighting chance of not stepping in it in the middle of the night.
*My attorney says I need to clear my name here and make note of the fact that Moose's chiropractic treatment was free. There. Now I don't feel so WASPy.
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