It's A Dog!

Have we ever told you the story about how Lera is a Slovakian immigrant in disguise? Well, it’s true. Some months ago, after church, a member of the congregation asked her, “Now, Lera, where exactly are you from?” Lera replied, “Wyoming,” and received a blank stare. So she clarified, “In the States.” And was thereby met with the most unexpected response. The congregant cleared his throat, embarrassed, and explained that he had thought that she was from Eastern Europe, perhaps Slovakia. In fact, despite the fact that he and Lera had had several short conversations over the course of months, he actually had been under the impression that English was not her first language.

The sad thing about this story is that it has happened more than once. Apparently lots of people think that Lera is Eastern European.

We tell you this story because it is important that you understand that misconceptions are a big part of the lives of Lera and Matthew. Especially, as it turns out, at church.

The congregation is slowly beginning to learn that their beloved organist has left Oxford, has moved to Richmond (into a house only about five minutes’ walk from the church), and that (scandal?) Lera has moved in with him. We don’t think the congregation really minds this fact, and it certainly is not a secret we have been trying to keep. Matthew recently invited the choir to come over to the house in a few weeks for lunch and to meet the new puppy. Lera hasn’t actually seen this email but she is pretty sure that he specifically did say puppy, not new addition, not newest family member, not baby.

So why is it that there seems to be a small miscommunication about the puppy part?

We would like to announce this formally, for clarity’s sake: our new addition, our new family member, our baby…is a DOG. Lera’s three month absence from church was the result of final exams, her retreat to Somerset, and a month of vacation in the States. Her relative roundness upon her return is the result of too much beer and enormous American portions. Her rosy cheeks and healthy complexion are the result of no longer being a stressed, pale, panicky, Oxford student. Lera is not, was not, and frankly never has been pregnant.

It’s a dog. A baby dog.

That’s not to say that Lera and Matthew don’t intend to be the proudest, most doting puppy parents EVER. They spent Saturday exploring Pets at Home and loading up on awesome puppy loot. Moose now is the proud owner of a leash and collar! Food bowls! Toys! Bones! And most importantly, a nice, new, shiny kennel, “The Moosery,” which will be a comfy, Moosey lair for our sweet, Moosey boy (read: DOG).

Tonight, in a parallel Slovakian universe, Valera Nicholsovna downs a glass of vodka, listens to her man play a hymn to the Motherland on the accordion, and rocks her baby to sleep in his bureau drawer.

In this comparatively dull universe, Lera watches “The Dog Whisperer” on TV, wonders if Moose will like freeze-dried liver pieces, and vows to improve her English once and for all. Perhaps she will use Rosetta Stone.